I wasn't going to get up today. A death in the family will do that to you. My cousin died in a car wreck yesterday... and I learned through social media. That cousin was the one, you know, that cousin you go to at every family function, the one you have the unbreakable bond with. The one you talk to almost everyday. The one you have deep conversations with, talk about boys to, go through puberty with. The one your family sees the bond with.
I wasn't going to get up today. The energy just wasn't in my mind, or maybe it was and I was just wallowing. I’ve always prided myself on keeping things together during stressful times, but I can't say that's true this time. Maybe the reason that I didn't keep it together is because I knew this day was going to be here sooner rather than later. My cousin did not lead a healthy or "pure" lifestyle, and that is probably because of his circumstances growing up.
I'm not a drug addict advocate, I never will be( I'm not saying addiction isn't a disease either). I'm not here to coddle drug addicts, that's not the bane of my existence( If it is yours good for you). Everyone on this planet CHOOSES their chaos, wether it be drugs, drama, or debt. You can't blame other people for the things you chose to put inside your circle of karma. I learned that over the last half of 2019. I learned that it's the people that are inside your circle that will do you the most harm. Drug addicts are not good for people like me that feed off of emotions and vibes, I chose not to keep my cousin in close contact because of this, I chose to leave other people that were in my circle in 2019 because of this.
The reason I got out of bed this morning, was because I saw two quotes " time is non-refundable use it with intention" and "old ways won't open new doors". I refuse to go into 2020 any longer without getting this off my chest. My old ways included, not listening to my gut instinct about a person, forgiving and forgetting, inviting just anyone into my space, letting others actions influence how I view things, letting others words dictate how I feel about myself. And for 2020 I'm saying a big huge "Fuck that shit" to myself, and saying "No thank you to the people trying to set my karma to bad". As for my time, I plan to live for me, love the ones that love me, keep the names of the people that did me wrong out of my mouth and mind, use my time and thoughts wisely, and just give everything my all this year.
The reason I got out of bed is, because I don't want the bad to win in my life, I want things that only I can give myself. I want both of my businesses to flourish, I want to make my life simpler and easier. I started by just sitting up and getting out of bed, eating and drinking just something, then I brushed my teeth, which led to washing my face, and shaving my legs for that little extra "I feel good today" push. I did small things that made me feel good, because I wasn't going to get up today. And if you're reading this and you're having one of those days. Its the small things that lead to the big. It's getting up and just opening the blinds if nothing else. It's putting one load of clothes in the dryer. Hell its even finding the strength to brush your teeth.
Today was rough, and there will be more days like this I'm sure, but I plan to beat those days like I did today. I plan to beat all days the best I can, with the knowledge I learn everyday.
As for now I'm saying so long to the two faced people, the drug addicts, the toxic ass family, the feeling sorry for myself, letting people influence me, letting people try to control me, and letting myself hold me back. I'm saying "yes" to loving my family harder, doing more things for me, pathing my own path to happiness.
And saying "Hello" to the success of 2020.
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